Was I bad? Was I good? You decide.

I do not know whether I should be ashamed of myself for yesterday or if I should be proud. Maybe a little of both.

Apparently, last night I was having issues. These are issues involving shopping when hungry. Never a good thing. So I bought a bag of chips and jalapeno cheddar dip and two (2!) of these really yummy Klondike Oreo ice cream sandwiches which are really yummy (did I mention they were yummy?) and I ate them! And 3 hot dogs. And a bagel, dripping with butter. Not a good thing.

I can say that there was no pop, there was the refreshing goodness of water. There was that slight twinge again, the one that looked at the Mountain Dew bottles. Then it looked at the Diet Coke with Lime bottles. And lusted briefly for both. But I said No! - quite firmly and said I would drink water. Yet I let myself be seduced by the siren call of all the fattening food I bought.

However, while watching CSI:, I grabbed the weights and started lifting them again. And then, during the commercials, I got up and started walking around the living room, carrying the weights, lifting them and walking briskly. I did this during commercials and even part of the show itself, both CSI: & Without A Trace.

It didn't hurt, I found my breathing was accelerated but not rapid, there was no asthma attack.

So, even though I did not make healthy choices when it came to food yesterday, I'm pleased about the exercise. This is big for me.

It was interesting that the Without A Trace episode was regarding a woman who hated the way she looked, had surgery on one of those reality shows (this one was called American Goddess) and ended up even more miserable than she had been when she started.

It gave me a lot of (please pardon the pun) food for thought. I know that I'll never be one of those women that obsesses over her appearance like this poor character did last night but I would like to be healthy. Right now? My goal is to get under 300 pounds. Who knows? Maybe I am already there. Probably not.

Lioness, you asked if my clothes were feeling looser. Yes and no. It depends on the piece of clothing. I usually like my shirts to be loose anyway so they are not a good way for me to determine anything. I think I may try measuring myself this weekend and then start tracking progress that way.

My ultimate goal is to weigh 180 again. That is what I weighed in high school and I looked good, I just didn't appreciate it because I was surrounded by size 4's. If I can get there, I will try to get to 150. That would mean I'd have to lose an entire person. That's going to be tough. But I can get there. I know I can do this.

Progress Report

I am pretty sure I have kicked the Mountain Dew addiction.

Case in point - sitting at dinner with Beth and her Dad and they both ordered Mountain Dew. There was a slight twinge, a twinge where I thought, "Y'know, I've been good for so long. Would it really hurt anything if I had a Mountain Dew?" And then I beat that twinge down and turned to the waitress and asked for an iced tea.

Yesterday Keem had a can of Mountain Dew and she showed it to me and I called her a bitch but I didn't really mean it. I didn't care that she had Mountain Dew. Okay, I cared a little but not really that much. Not enough to rip it out of her hands like I might have done oh, about a month ago when I was going crazy with the lack of my favorite beverage.

Last night, I took Steffany's advice and watched The Biggest Loser. It was very interesting. I'd have to say that I'm hooked, even though I wanted to kick that one guy, what was his name, Dave?, that said he was going to vote for what's his name, Roy and then he pulled up Lizzeth's name (You jackass, is all I have to say. That was cold. And then, when he's called on it, his response is "We're not curing brain cancer." Well, listen, this is serious stuff. Maybe it's not brain cancer but you supposed to be a role model for people. Role models don't play cheap little games. Whew. Okay, done vanting).

Anyway, while I'm sitting on the couch, watching these people who weigh close to what I do, if not more, running and lifting weights and exercising like mad, I couldn't take it. I practically ran to the bedroom and grabbed the one pound weights and started lifting them. I still have a lot of weight to lose before I'll be able to actually do some serious exercising without having an asthma attack but moving my arms around is not going to kill me. I was worried this would turn out like the last time I tried exercising, running through water, where I was so sore for three days after. But it wasn't. I feel good today, like I might have accomplished something.

Last night was tough for everyone on The Biggest Loser because they couldn't believe that they hadn't lost any weight. It was an eye opener for me because you can tell that none of them have ever been on a serious diet before, since they didn't realize that the previous week's loss had been due to water weight. It was really nice to see the trainers telling them that they had lost actual weight, not water weight, and they should absolutely not cut their calories again.

From what I can see, other than the "Hey, let's have a bunch of fat people deal with chocolate" stunt, this show is going to teach people a lot about the importance of good food and good exercise. I'll have to keep watching to see what happens and hopefully, get some more inspiration.

The fact that I'm not having Mountain Dew has been a serious help for me. I don't feel like I'm cheating when I make a bad choice. And it really makes me feel good when I choose to eat a salad or something else that's healthy.

I think my next step is to start exercising consistently. I am not looking forward to this, I hate effort. But, hey, if I could give up Mountain Dew, what could possibly stop me, right?

Shoes and Water

Have I mentioned that I love my new shoes? Yes. I love my shoes. They are a black suedeish material and they are tennis shoes but they are not tennis shoes. I know that does not make sense. They are this slip on type of shoe with half the bulk of actual tennis shoes.

And they are springy! Springy! I am bouncy while wearing them. This is not normal for me. I am not the bouncy type of person. Believe me when I tell you I am the dragging my feet, resisting type of person.

Anyway, the real reason for my post is that the exciting but evil shoes have made me feel energized, somewhat like that stupid bunny and that encouraged me to go swimming the other day when Jeff and Keem were going downstairs.

I like water, I really do like to swim but I am also very lazy and so, a lot of times when they'll ask me if I want to go downstairs, I'll say no. Or I can't go for health reasons. But Sunday, I was feeling really good about how well everything has been going for me with living Dew free and I decided it was time for the next step of my lifestyle change. The dreaded E word. E for effort or exercise or exertion.

Water aerobics are wonderful if you are overweight and have joint problems. You can do so many things in the water that you can't on land. You can do jumping jacks and leg lifts and actually jog in place.

And then, in your excitement, you start jogging around the pool. You don't think anything of it because it doesn't hurt and you're barely breaking a sweat and your asthma isn't choking you. It feels really good and is even fun.

Until the next morning when you get out of bed and want to cry because your calves, your poor, abused calves who have never felt like this before, start screaming because you actually really overdid it.

But, I'm going down to the pool again tonight. Maybe I won't be jogging this time. But my arms need some work so I think I'm sneaking down the 1 pound weights to add a kick to the resistance training. The jogging will take place in another day or two, once my calves get a little bit used to dealing with pain.

Anyway, wish me luck. I don't think I'll ever be one of those perky people that DeAnn had to deal with the other day but I'm going to try at least three times a week.

Okay, I forgot. Sorry.

I mentioned on my main site that I had a new post. Apparently I spoke too soon because, just as I was going to go and type away all that has been happening, I had to work. The suffering that one must face to bring in a paycheck. Awful.

Anyway, things are going very well. I am happy.

This is a big deal for me, being happy. I'm not normally. There's always something in the back of my mind going "Hey, Dana, you really suck. What the hell do you think you're doing?" That voice isn't there right now and I'm loving it.

Sunday, the day of the brunch (hmm, brunch) was a good day. There was not any bacon, or at least none that I could see, which is really, really a good thing. I am a bacon freak, I admit it freely. There are stories of going to brunches at the Machine Shed (seriously, this is actually the name of the restaurant) with Kari and Keem and I ate two full plates of bacon. Did I mention I love bacon? Anyway, there wasn't any bacon that I could see.

I had a huge salad with lots of carrots. I had a very good roast-like substance that I was told was prime rib. I had a teeny little portion of mashed potatoes without gravy or butter (believe me when I tell you that I used to eat mashed potatoes with both), I had more carrots, cooked this time, without butter. I completely bypassed the bread tray. This is not like me so I am assuming that I was planning on going back for bread and then just got distracted by the really good roasty thing.

And for dessert, I tried a little bit of each kind that was left. I did not continue to eat the desserts because I felt guilty that they were still on my plate.

Tonight, on the way home, I was talking to Keem about the thought that I might start wearing make-up again. Nothing major, just a little bit of eyeshadow and blush. I've noticed that when I start feeling better about myself, I start caring more about my appearance. I actually blow dried my hair today. It still looked like crap, because I didn't spend that much time on it, but I made the attempt. It felt good.

I am happy. I can't believe it. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was seriously worn out about working at the banking call center and was overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities and yes, was probably extremely depressed but also, I'm feeling more in control of my life right now than I have in a long time.

Water, still not so great tasting. But it's growing on me.
I still make some not-so-great food choices but I don't obsess over it.
I'm not even sure what I would do with a Mountain Dew if you gave it to me right now. I seriously think I could say "Thanks, but no thanks." Isn't that great?

I have triumphed over Mountain Dew! I am cured! Cured of my addiction!

Okay, maybe cured is a little much but! But! I am so excited. I went to the restaurant where they have fountain Mountain Dew (ah, sweet elixer of Life) and I asked for water!

I know. I was shocked and/or stunned as well.

And then Mike took me to lunch on my last day and the waitress said "We have Pepsi products" and I did not say "I'd like a Mountain Dew." I said, "Could I have an Iced Tea?"

With the Pink Stuff (Sweet and Low) instead of sugar, iced tea is a refreshing, non-fattening drink. Water is still better. I should rephrase that. Water is still better for you than iced tea. It doesn't taste better.